Hola blogverse! It’s been a long time since the last time I posted things on my blog! It’s been quite a hectic ramadan for me this year, since I wasn’t home on ramadan last year, so I got lots of things to do this ramadan, alhamdulillah 🙂
It’s almost one year since my dad passed away (August 2014). I think many people are questioning about why do I become a little bit more religious these days. I want to share about that on this post.
Since the all of sudden death of my dad, it’s a great wake-up call for me, that everything, and everyone on this planet will die, including my dearest, most beloved people such as my parents, and of course myself.
“Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.” (Ali-Imran: 185)
Because before my dad passed away, I know I will someday lose my beloved ones, but since I can see them around for almost 24/7, I forget about that a lot, I know about it but I don’t understand about it, until I really lost my dad.
As a muslim who believes in the hereafter, I’m questioning myself, how prepared I am to welcome my own death? Now I am so fit, so healthy that it’s super easy for me to walk, to run, to speak, but how easy it is for Allah SWT to take all of that treats from me, just like how easy Allah SWT took my dad in a matter of second. We all can be paralyzed in a second, we all can die in a second, anytime, anywhere, no matter what we’re doing at that time, in Allah’s will. Then as I’m still given this health, this ability to do lots of things easily, how will I spend the rest of my life? I’m so afraid if my preparation to welcome my death won’t be enough until my time comes, and I don’t know, no one knows, only God knows when will my time and when will your time, come. I’m not changing my self 360 degrees right away, I started from the smallest things I can, such as the way I think, the way I spend my spare time, the books I read, the things I update on my social media. Some may realized I think things seriously, heavily, philosophically, it’s because I’m preparing myself, not once at a time, I’m taking baby steps on it. I may not constantly be a good person, because a baby who’s learning to walk may fall, but I have to be able to get up again every time I fall. People may think I’m naive just because I’ve changed. I don’t care, because I am the one who will be responsible on the judgement day of things I’ve done in my whole life, not them, so they can say what they want to say.
I am dad’s little princess, we were so close since I was a baby. When my dad was still alive, the relationship between me and mom wasn’t really good, now it’s only mom and me here, Allah SWT gives us a chance to mend our relationship before we leave each other, just like my dad leaves us. It’s been so hard, but we both are learning how to make this mother-daughter relationship works, and we know we can make this work.
I feel his love everyday in my life after he passed away, now I can see the reasons of why my dad do things, the reasons of every decision he made. I know it’s Allah SWT showing lessons to me, this may sound cliche, but you will never understand things you haven’t experienced by yourself.
Life’s a journey, we’re not going to be gone, we’re going to the end of our journey tunnel and stay there forever, we’re going to our last destination, and be there eternally. The afterlife is not a delusion, the life is.
“Say, “Indeed, the death from which you flee – indeed, it will meet you. Then you will be returned to the Knower of the unseen and the witnessed, and He will inform you about what you used to do.”” (Al-Jumu’ah: 8)
I hope this explanation can give you an insight about why do I become a little bit more religious these days.
“Life is a journey from Allah SWT, to Allah SWT” – unknown
“Every time I close my eyes I see you in front of me. I still can hear your voice calling out my name, and I remember all the stories you told me. I miss the time you were around. But I’m so grateful for every moment I spent with you, ‘cause I know life won’t last forever.
Night and day, I still feel you are close to me, and I remember you in every prayer that I make. Every single day may you be shaded by His mercy, but life is not the same, and it will never be the same, but I’m so thankful for every memory I shared with you, ‘cause I know this life is not forever. You went so soon. You left so soon. I have to move on ’cause I know it’s been too long. I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong. I’ll try to take it all, even though it’s so hard. I see you in my dreams but when I wake up you are gone. Gone so soon.
There were days when I had no strength to go on, I felt so weak and I just couldn’t help asking: “Why?” But I got through all the pain when I truly accepted that to God we all belong, and to Him we’ll return.” (Maher Zain – So Soon)